.. what i actually want in life ..

i'm getting tired and tired-er doing things which not in my fav-things-to-do list. i've told you so many times, and let me tell you once again.

i hate science. i hate chemistry.

yeah. THE BIGGEST MISTAKE in mylife, no?

took this course as a respectiation [?] towards my mother. she was the one who wanted me to take the so-called science courses so bad. any courses will do, tapi mesti sains. arghhhh~ then, as advised by old friend of mine, Fariz, i chose this APPLIED CHEMISTRY course as he suggested.

now what?

i suffer a lot. i suffer for three years!! yes this is my final semester, the very lasssssssst part of my degree. but still, tak dapat generate minat langsung. melampau kalau aku cakap, aku skang pon masih blur blur dgn chemistry.

i dont know. its just too hard for me. to deal with the facts to be memorized. the experiments, labs, labcoats, chemicals.

dont you ever think that i'm clever. i absolutely not. with 3 pointers for every semesters, tu tak membawa maksud i'm clever. i just hate doing things i am doing right now.

i depends on my friends too much. too much i tell you. you can really ask my friends. they know. i dont even know how to calculate the number of moles. i have to refer to my notes. i have to write on my book, how to calculate using m1v1 = m2v2 formulae. shit!

i'm in tensed. i'm bonded to the government as i mentioned before [due to the JPA scholarship]. that means i'm dead. i hafta work with them for four years. FOUR YEARS, or maybe more.

i don't want to be bonded anymore!! i suffered enough!! i don't want to work as a chemist etc!!

anyone, pls give me money to pay them [the JPA]. sebagai denda. hahaha! hmm how much ek. ade la dalam rm100k camtuh.

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i actually love arts, and bussiness thingy. mom said, bisnes2 tu bosan. keje kat opis segala, mmg bosan. i know i know. but i just love the way they dressed. huhu~ i want to be a businesswoman someday. i no need a gas-station, i just need a business much smaller than that. maybe a boutique selling clothes, bags, or bundle stores. or maybe a burger stalls? no kidding. all that are possible kan.

ah nevermind. i might be paid rm2k per month as a chemist. or i may even get more if i work harder. alah bukan susah sgt pon. T_T

i want to kumpul2 duit. help my parents. help my siblings. and then, i'll help myself. i don't want to be selesa for now, cz that means something goes wrong. i think its best for me to suffer at first. righttttt?

od God, pls show me the path, show me the ways. help me help me.

ps; i have 2 tests and 1 takehome test to submit tommorow. and now i'm blogging. why oh why.